A mispent youth? Or things that shaped your childhood ( including everyone's favorite machinegun-toting worm )

Okay, so it's a Friday afternoon and I'm kicking back, generally piddling away time doing nothing. I stumble across my old VHS collection, which included Crystal Maze (The Richard O'Brien era) which frankly was supurb. The Tudor-Pole was good, but the Maze was without its charm when O'Brien left.

The set was divided into four 'Zones' (originally Aztec, Futuristic, Medieval and Industrial; Industrial was replaced by Ocean from series 4 onwards), as well as the Crystal Dome, a giant 'crystal' at the centre of the maze, where the teams play their final challenge after playing games in each of the four Zones.

In each episode, a team consisting of three men and three women (including a team captain and vice-captain) would enter the 'maze,' starting from a pre-determined Zone, and play three or four games of various types in each Zone before entering the Crystal Dome. The teams were put together by Chatsworth from individual applicants, only meeting each other for the first time on the day before filming their episode

The objective of the show was to amass as many 'time crystals' as possible (these were golf ball-sized Swarovski glass crystals) by playing the games in each Zone; each game successfully played would win one 'time crystal.' When the team reached the Crystal Dome, they had to collect as many gold 'tokens' as possible in order to win a prize. Each crystal that the team won earlier would allow them five seconds of time in the Dome to collect tokens, so the more crystals the team won in the Zones, the more time and thus the better chance they had of getting a high gold token count.

A combination of O'Brien's charisma and quirkyness made the maze a hit for many years, entertaining all ages.


Next on the VHS list was Earth Jim...a stark contrast to the Maze

Bronson review

"Intelligent, funny and charismatic"

Probably 3 words you wouldnt usually lend to a man who has spent 32 years in solitary confinement. However, leading actor Tom Hardy would argue otherwise...

Bronson is a tour de force of a lost soul searching for self-expression

Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn is best known for his breakthrough Pusher trilogy –. His first British film, Bronson, takes an equally oblique look at the man billed as ‘Britain’s most notorious criminal’.

Charles Bronson, born Michael Peterson, adopted the name of the hard boiled hollywood star (famous for death wish) because his fight promoter thought it sounded suitably tough. He was originally sentenced to seven years for a armed robbery in 1974, when he was 21. But his tendency to beat warders to a pulp , fellow-inmates and anyone who jangles his nerves has kept him in jail ever since – barring two brief periods of freedom totalling about four months – and in solitary for 30 of those 34 years.

While in jail ( dubbed a hotel room) he developes into a talented artist, so Refn takes the hint to treat his whole life as an extreme display of performance art. Bronson narrates – sometimes in voiceover, sometimes on his stage before an somewhat spooky audience, retelling his exploits with a series of punchlines, film and acting.

Bronson inspires equal reactions of fascination, discust and repugnance. You might be sat there hating his guts, but the charasmatic Hardy will makeit impossible to look away.


Bronson is clearly more beast than man, switching between sweet compliance ( His short lived romance with a hairdresser) to illogical rage ( holding the librarian hostage) .


Verdict
Not a generic hollywood churn out. Once you get used to the direction, layout and art. The film is easier to follow, some parts are pure lunancy, some confusing and others darkly humourous. It took a few hours to sink in and properly appreciate it. Bronson will be disgarded by some. But a cult figure to many.

Trailer

3/5

Top Episodes continued

I told you i would discover more. There are 20 seasons after all

The Simpsons 1321 The Frying Game

Season 13

Description

"Homer is sentenced to community service after nearly killing a rare insect found in his backyard pond. While working in a Meals on Wheels program, Homer befriends an elderly old woman. When the woman is thought to be dead, Homer and Marge become murder suspects after being named the sole beneficiaries of her will. Homer is convicted and sentenced to the death penalty, but just before he is scheduled to die in the electric chair, it is revealed that he's a contestant on a new reality show called "Frame Up" and the old woman is alive and well"



http://www.wtso.net/movie/68-The

Red Riding:1974

Channel 4's hard-hitting new drama Red Riding aired last night. I was one of the 2.5 million that tuned in to watch and hopefully be entertained.

I was not disappointed.

The novels (and films) are fictionalized accounts of the investigation into the Yorkshire Ripper, a brutal serial killer that stalked the Yorkshire area of England in the 1970’s and 1980’s.

The cast includes Sean Bean ( a personal soft spot for my steel city brother), Warren Clarke, David Morrissey and Rebecca Hall. According to one of the writers, the overall plan is to create nothing less than a new TV genre, to be known as “Yorkshire noir”

The series begins with 1974, Yorkshire - a time of paranoia, mistrust and institutionalised police corruption. Rookie journalist Eddie Dunford (Andrew Garfield) is determined to search for the truth in an increasingly complex maze of lies and deceit that characterises a police investigation into a series of child abductions.

Several groups who won’t enjoy it much. Among them are anybody with a dicky stomach, any old officers from the West Yorkshire police, and any viewers who were banking on a "Life On Mars"

Incredibly refreshing material produced by Channel 4. Fantastic.

( Watch it again 4on demand)

http://www.channel4.com/video/brandless-catchup.jsp?vodBrand=red-riding-1974#popover

(Trailer)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZVZPBaM804

Quote of the evening

Sean Bean held at gun point

Sean Bean: " All this for a fuckin' cinema?"

"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover"

Animation and cartoon fans are a very nerdy, contentious rabble. So when we try and agree on the best episodes of a favourite show, its harder than trying to tie your tongue round a lamppost. It simply can’t be done.

So of course the task of picking the best that will The list of the top 8“Simpsons” episodes can cause controversey and fellow lovers will be quick to point out your poor choices. However this is my list and my blog so im going to put my nuts on the line with the episodes that made me howl with laughter....here goes

1. Homer's Phobia - Homer fears that Bart's masculinity is at stake when he suspects that he's being influenced by a flamboyant homosexual collectible store owner named John(Waters). All his efforts to show Bart how to be a man keep backfiring on him... or do they?

Quotes

Homer: Marge, the boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt!

Marge: So?

Homer: There’s only two kind of guys who wear those shirts: gay guys and big, fat party animals, and Bart doesn’t look like a big, fat party animal to me!

Marge: So, if you wore a Hawaiian shirt, it wouldn’t be gay?

Homer: Right! Thank you.

Bart: Dad, are you hurt?

Homer: Just... my bones... and organs.-- And whatever's left inbetween

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2. Homer's enemy-

Mr. Burns hires Frank Grimes (the human interest subject of Kent Brockman's report) as executive vice president at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Grimes meets the employees and is immediately stunned at Homer's lackadasial work performance and his co-workers are nonchalant about it. Grimes - already annoyed by Homer's habits - becomes horrified when he observes Homer nearly drink a flask containing a toxic acid in absent-mindedness; however, Grimes is harshly reprimanded when he knocks the vial away and causes damage. Grimes tells Homer that they are "enemies," but Homer - still wanting to be friends - invites "Grimey" over for dinner.

The attempt only makes matters worse when Grimes sees that Homer is living in a nice home and has a family. Resolved to expose Homer as a fraud once and for all, he hands out a flyer announcing a "design your own power plant" contest, which has all references to this being a contest for elementary school students. However, Homer easily wins the contest, causing Grimes to go crazy. After running amok through the plant and mocking Homer, Grimes touches some electrical wires and is electrocuted.

Note * many fans felt it was too dark, unfunny and that Homer was portrayed as overly bad-mannered. In the DVD commentary, Josh Weinstein considers this episode one of the most controversial of the seasons he ran, as it involves sharp observational humour which many fans "didn't get." Weinstein also talks about a "generation gap"—the episode was originally panned by viewers, but has since become a favourite among fans who grew up with the show*

Quotes

Homer: Hi Grimey old buddy.

Grimes: I'm not your buddy, Simpson. I don't like you, in fact I hate you. Stay the hell, away from me, because from now on, we're enemies.

Homer: Ok. Do I have to do anything?

Frank Grimes: [disgusted that Homer is not being chastised for entering a children's contest] But... this was a contest for children!

Lenny: Yeah, and Homer beat their brains out.

3. Burns Heir - After a near-death experience, Burns holds auditions for his heir and after Bart smashes his windows he chooses Bart.Bart moves in with Burns but when he's forced to choose between Burns and his family. Bart becomes lonely and wants to go back to his family.

Actor Homer: I do not miss Bart at all

Actor Marge: I am glad he's gone.

Actress Lisa: As am I.

Actor Homer: [drops sandwich] Boh!

Bart: It's probably my imagination but something about them didn't seem quite right.

Mr. Burns: Really? excuse me for just a moment.

Mr. Burns: [Mr.Burns walks from the control room out into the studio where cameras have been set up along with a fake living room of the Simpsons' place] People, that was all wrong. Homer Simpson does not say Boh! He says. [checks script]

Mr. Burns: Doh!

Homer then introduces the still-deprogrammed Hans to Bart as his new brother ("Cowabunga, dudes") and starts to kiss him ("It's like kissing a peanut!"),

Marge " Get that thing out of my house"

( Deleted scene) - Homer travels Mr Burns' house to retrieve his son and is snubbed by Burns and Bart. In the deleted scene, Mr. Burns commands Smithers to release one of the many things at his disposal to be rid of Homer, a Robotic Richard Simmons. A panel opens, the robot emerges and begins dancing to a recording of Shake Your Booty , which indeed does scare Homer away from Burns' Mansion. It continues to dance though without stopping, out of control. After Smithers shoots the robot with a shotgun, its face turns to liquid metal and molds back into place (in the same manner as Terminator 2). The robot continues to sing and dance (its voice gradually slowing as its movement speeds up to dangerous levels) until it explodes on Burns' doorstep. In the aired episode, when told to do his worst, Burns instead slammed the door and locked it, with Homer subsequently trying to pull a doorbell prank on him.

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4. "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace" -

Homer experiences a mid-life crisis when he realizes, at 38.1 years of age, that he hasn't accomplished anything meaningful. To curve his remorse, Homer decides to pattern himself after Thomas Edison and become the next great inventor.

Noteable gags from the first act is when homer and his flour bag and when asked why he is eating it "Because i dont deserve my sugar bag"

Later when the family has a party to honor him, Lisa mentions that Thomas Edison invented the film projector as well as many other inventions Homer uses. Homer learns more about Edison and eventually idolises him. And so, in an attempt to follow in Edison's footsteps, he becomes obsessed with Thomas Edison and quits his job at the power plant to become an inventor. Homer visits the springfield elementary library due to "not being allowed in the big peoples library"

Bart: Dad what are you doing here?

Homer: Reading about this Edison character. They wont let me in the big people library down town. There was some.. unpleasantless I can never go back.

Homer: And these hearty boys books are great too! This one's about smugglers.

Bart: They're all about smugglers.

Homer: No, not this one: "The Smugglers Of Pirate Cove", it's about pirates

Lisa: You started smoking, Dad?

Homer: Yes. Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day.

Bart: [holds up Homer's empty notepad] Yeah, he invented stuff, too.

Homer: Shut up

Homer gains insperation from the library and develops several inventions, such as an alarm that beeps every three seconds when everything is OK, a shotgun which shoots make-up onto women's faces, a very difficult to control electric hammer, and a reclining chair which has a built-in toilet.

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5. “The Boy Who Knew Too Much”-

Bart skips school and witnesses the supposed beating of a French waiter by Mayor Quimby’s nephew, Freddy. At the ensuing trial, Bart is the only one who can testify to Freddy Quimby’s innocence. Here’s the perfect example of the show’s hilarious randomness: the scene in which Bart reads his father’s mind in the courtroom and hears the Meow Mix catfood theme song: “Meow, meow, meow, meow …” And then there’s the moment in which Homer, who has been called to serve on the jury in the case, discovers that if the jury’s deadlocked, they’ll be sequestered in a luxury hotel. He justifies his decision to be the lone dissenting voice by saying, “I’m only doing what I think is right. I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.

Quotes

Principal Skinner to Bart telepathically: I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just remember, if I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.

Homer: I know you can read my thoughts, Boy. Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow...

6. “Deep Space Homer”-

Because of struggling TV ratings for its shuttle launches, NASA decides to send average Joes into space. Homer and Barney compete to be the lucky “average-naut,” and Homer wins by “De-fault. The two sweetest words in the English language!”The best (and oft-quoted) moment of a great 22 minutes happens during the NASA press conference announcing the new program. Homer is asked by a reporter about the risks of sending civilians into space: “The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute … Statue of Liberty … that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!” Pure genius.

Quotes

News reporter: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending unqualified, under trained civilians into space?

Homer : The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... that was our planet. You maniacs, you blew it up. Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

7. “Homer the Great”After stalking Lenny and Carl, Homer discovers the secret society of the Stonecutters. Homer joins, then is kicked out of and finally becomes the chosen one of the heavy-drinking club. Though the episode as a whole is (almost) unsurpassable, two near-throwaway gags are worth mentioning: Upon joining the group, Homer is told not to call 911 anymore; the real number is 912. Later, Homer has convinced his Stonecutter brethren to do good deeds by repainting a building covered with graffiti.

7. "King Sized Homer"- Mr. Burns organizes an exercise program at the power plant. While this program finds some support among the workers, Homer is not among them. After learning that those on disability get to work at home, he tries to injure himself. When he discovers that hyper-obesity counts as a disability, he decides to put on weight until he is 300 pounds. In this way, he can be legally disabled and force Burns to let him telecommute. Despite Marge's protests that this could endanger his health and jeopardize her attraction to him, Homer engages in nearly unprecedented gluttony. After a mass eating spree Bart tells Homer they're out of food. Faced with the prospect of another day at work, Homer eats a Play-Doh donut that Maggie made. Upon eating it, he reaches 315 pounds. Homer enjoys working from home: he realizes that all he has to do is hit "y" (for "yes") on the computer repeatedly. One day, Homer leaves a drinking bird hitting the "y" button while he goes out to see a movie. Upon his return, he finds the bird broken and a nuclear meltdown at the power plant imminent. Homer rushes to the plant and bravely tries to take charge. He ultimately saves the day — his enormous gut gets stuck in the release tube and blocks the toxic gas from escaping. As a reward and upon Homer's request Mr. Burns guarantees that he will make Homer thin once more. After Homer fails with his exercise program, Mr. Burns decides to just pay for the liposuction.

Quotes

Homer: [takes cap out of dryer and puts it on his head] Mmmmm... I CAN feel three types of softness. Lisa : [from upstairs] Dad, what are you doing down there?

Homer Simpson: Washing my fat guy's hat honey!

Bart: When I grow up, I'm gonna be a lardo on workman's comp, just like Dad. [dissolve to Bart's fantasy]

Bart: I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, what's the name of this gastropod?

Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir. One of your chair moisteners from Sector 7-G

So there we have it. It was a hard process and if i had to do it again, i imagine it would be longer as there are so many fantastic episodes

Very close to parting with my money...

About to invest in the cut price Blades shirt when ive just spied we have change manufacturer and shirt design. I'm liking the old school collar, however playing with Italian flair, we will soon see. Well my money will be saved until its released!

Archaic words anyone?

A rather interesting way to start blogging life, but this is a must for a lover of the English language. Times change and so does language, but dont you just love finding a word which hasnt been in circulation for years?

Well you might be saying, no Dom, i really dont care and if you all your posts are going to be like this. I wont be following it for a second further.


Wait, please, I'll be good. Just pick it up for a read when you have 5 minutes. That will then turn into 45. I give you my word ;)

Francis Grose- A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue